Forgiveness – Key To Health And Joy
Many people think of forgiveness as letting go or moving on. True forgiveness goes a step further, he says, offering something positive—empathy, compassion, understanding—toward the person who hurt you.
Forgiveness can also be difficult when the person who wronged us doesn’t seem to deserve our forgiveness. It can feel like you are letting them “off the hook.” While this feeling is completely understandable, it’s vital to remember that forgiveness allows us to let go of a connection we have to those who have wronged us and move forward—with or without them.
Sometimes, it’s hard to remember that forgiveness benefits the forgiver more than the one who is forgiven. Ultimately, forgiveness is especially challenging because it’s hard to let go of what happened. Forgiving someone who has committed unacceptable behaviour can be difficult when we are having trouble letting go of anger or hurt surrounding the event itself.
Forgiveness is good for your heart—literally.
Understanding what forgiveness really means can help you to move towards it. Setting your own terms and boundaries can make forgiveness a more comfortable idea.
- You don’t have to completely forget someone’s actions and excuse their behaviours.
- Do not condemn yourself or your ego for feeling the way you do.
- Forgiveness isn’t about a grand gesture or a ceremonial, cinematic vow of forgiveness – you don’t have to tell the other person.
- Offer gratitude for the experience and your inner shift.
- Your feelings don’t cease when you ‘forgive’ someone, you can continue your emotional journey.
- Everything isn’t instantly completely fine – you and your family/friend will probably still need to work things out and repair your relationship.
- Forgiveness doesn’t equal forgetting.
- After you forgive, there’s no obligation to carry on having that person in your life.
- This is a personal act – forgiveness can be for yourself, you don’t owe it to someone else.
First, keep in mind that forgiveness is something you do for yourself to sever your emotional attachment to what happened. Think of taking your hand away from a hot burner on the stove—it remains hot, but you move away from it for your own safety.
Also, remind yourself that you are moving forward, and forgiving this person allows them or at least what they’ve done to stay in the past as you move on. Journaling, prayer, or meditation, and loving-kindness meditation can all be helpful in easing yourself into forgiveness as well.